Aside

Feeling sorry for myself…

11 Nov

I woke up feeling so sad today. I think I’m lonely being back and I’m haunted by feelings of stupidity. I don’t really understand why but I just can’t express myself. When I speak no one seems to understand what I’m saying. I went out with my sister and her friend last night and I can see the old patterns of childhood communication. My sister is very smart and she can talk for a long time without taking a break. She gets upset when I interrupt her so I try really hard not to but I guess by the time she stops everyone wants to speak because when I start talking people stop me two words in to ask a question and then go off on a tangent and I’m not really sure if maybe my difficulties expressing myself are rooted in the fact that I was never allowed to finish a sentence as a child so I just don’t have much practice… and then I overcompensate by trying to simplify things down into a brief interjection but even that doesn’t work… I feel stupid and at a complete loss as to how I can improve on this. How can I make what I say clearer, be able to finish what I’m saying, be interesting enough that people want to listen?